Oh MY Heart, why worry?

The day before yesterday, Aaron developed a fever, and I went on overdrive. As you guys have knownm I've written so much about Aaron because he holds a special place in my heart. He's been through a bit more than a typical kid his age has and my heart is constantly soft and tender towards this gift of God to me.

Aaron had a couple of rough nights and sending him to KKH on a public holiday was just such a killjoy. And oh talk about how he screamed in the presence of the doctors and how 3 clowns (Mom, Mark and I) paraded him pants-less for over an hour and a half , hoping to catch a mid stream pee for him (to test for UTI). Long story short, the test came back negative, which then points to the fever being either viral or dengue fever.

My area us a hotspot now so knowing that it could be a possibility has driven my anxiety levels up the wall. I was so tempted time and time again to "google" myself out, but this round, I decided that as a step of faith, I would not read myself out on dengue fever, as it would only escalate my fear levels. Instead, I would just trust God that He has Aaron in the palm of his hands.

Of course, as always the tears would flow incessantly as I think about my son, or as I comfort him in the still of the night, just him, God and I. Even as I type this, the pain has not gone away, the anxiety level is still high, but in these cases where there is little that I can do, I have only the plan of surrendering every single worry to God.

I just happened to chance upon this blog today and re-read my last entry, which was also about Aaron having a fever while I was in KL and how I flew back early just in time for him to be admitted into hospital. Seems whenever Aaron takes ill, I find so much solace in this blog, a place where I can vent, talk myself through, and even use as a platform to encourage myself.

You have brought Aaron so far, and despite my heart hurting, my head spinning and my tears flowing, YOU have the best plan for Aaron, You will take care of Him, He's your son as much as He's mine. I surrender Aaron up to you, Lord help me to trust You, help me to believe with all my heart that Aaron is the apple of your eye and Father, heal Aaron.

I can't worry away his fever, but I sure can use whatever morsel of faith I have to move Your hands to heal Him. Just one touch, Jesus...